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Love Addiction


Love addicts have unmet emotional needs that they seek to fulfill with either romance or relationships. Love addicts tend to form relationships with individuals who are love avoidant. Love avoidants gain a sense of control by avoiding intimacy and withholding love. Together, love avoidants and love addicts engage in a relationship pattern that is often called the ”distancer-pursuer“ relationship. Because the love addict’s primary emotional fear is of abandonment, she or he is typically the pursuer in a relationship. The love avoidant, whose primary fear is of intimacy, responds by distancing.

Are you struggling with love addiction?

This questionnaire is based on the work of Pia Mellody. If you answer in agreement to more than a few of the following questions, love addiction may be a problem for you.

  • Your partner seems to good or perfect to be true when you first met.

  • Your partner seemed like the person you had always dreamed of meeting.

  • Your partner seemed unusually charming and thoughtful when you first met, almost as if he/she could read your mind.

  • Within days of meeting your partner, you felt like the two of you had been spiritually connected for years.

  • You were convinced you and your partner were ‘soul mates.’

  • Your partner’s interests and hobbies seem more important to him/her than you are.

  • You have cut activities and people out of your life because you didn't want to make your partner jealous.

  • You have ever been so obsessed with someone that you gave up everything (e.g. job, friends, family, etc.) to be with that person.

  • You have put a partner on a pedestal.

  • Your partner went from being romantic to cold and distant.

  • You have said to friends, “he/she was so charming and thoughtful in the beginning; I don’t understand why he/she changed.”

  • You have tried unsuccessfully to be romantic and make things like they were in the beginning.

  • Your partner seems to spend less and less time with you.

  • You have been with a partner who was verbally or physically abusive.

  • You have blames yourself or made excuses for your partner’s abuse.

  • After long periods of unhappiness and progressively worse abuse, you still hang on to the belief that one day things will change.

  • You believe if you just hang in there long enough you can love your partner into being who he/she really is.

  • A family member or close friend has asked you why you stay in a relationship.

  • You feel abandoned when a relationship breaks up, even if you were the one who ended the relationship.

  • You have been in so much pain after an unhappy, troubled relationship has ended that you go back when your partner promises to change.

  • After a relationship has ended, your feelings of abandonment, pain, and fear seem so severe that you think you might die.

  • When you were a child, you often felt as though you were invisible.

  • A parent or major caregiver died, moved away, or got divorced when you were a child.

  • As a child, you thought your parents or major caregivers didn’t really know what was happening to you or what was going on inside of you.

  • You feel like your father neglected and/or abandoned you during your childhood.

  • You feel like your mother neglected and/or abandoned you during your childhood.

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